Location, Location, Location

For six years now Mary and I have lived two blocks from the local hospital and today it finally paid off. Not that I’ve wished us ill, of course, but years of sirens blasting past the house felt like a reasonable price to pay today for the convenience of not having to schlep 70 miles to Indy (AGAIN). Instead, at 9:35 this morning Mary and I sauntered out the door arm-in-arm for my 9:45 appointment. By 10am a nice woman named Michelle was injecting me with radioactive liquid. Then Mary and I ambled back home, stopping to smell the peonies. Three hours later, after my bones soaked up the juice and were certainly glowing like a skeleton on Halloween, we eased back down the sidewalk again. The trip took 5 minutes door-to-door. The 22-minute bone scan left me plenty of time to try on a few of my new mantras, including “I am at peace with my decision [to get a bone scan]” and “Neal [the tech who scared the shit out of me last week] is a tool.” When the mantra-thing got old, Mary (who sat nearby but out of range) plied me with jokes from her new joke app. (My personal favorite: What did the Buddhist say to the hotdog vendor? Answer: Make me one with everything.) Bone scan? Check. Sense of humor? Check. Radioactive pee? Check. Not having to waste 2.5 hours of a beautiful Spring day in the car? Priceless.

4 Responses

  1. Nan says:

    Radioactive pee! Who knew?

    There’s a new comic book opportunity here… an emerging super-heroine… injected with radioactive liquid she gains super strength: able to stamp out injustice (especially in insensitive lab techs and incompetent surgeons), accomplish Bikram yoga poses with no hands, maintain humor in the face of adversity, eradicate cancer…

    You. My hero.

  2. Sarah Jane says:

    Hallee and Chance’s favorite joke at the moment:
    Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Pizza who?
    Pizza out! (aka “Peace out”)

    Sounds like you guys can find your own slice of peace in any situation.

    My favorite knock knock joke at the moment (also somewhat appropriate to surgery and the like):
    Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Oliver who?
    Take Oliver clothes off!

    (Feel free to use this one on Mary in a moment of friskiness.)

    Sending out loving and healing vibes…
    -Sarah Jane

  3. Betsy says:

    Hi Catherine,

    I’m thinking of you and hope you are feeling better. I was trying to think of a good joke for you but all the jokes I can think of are from Sara and pretty offensive.

    Have you had the pleasure of hearing Kinsey howl almost every time an ambulance or police car drives by? It’s a real treat.


  4. Susan Stryker says:

    So, after the hotdog vendor made the customer one with everything, the vendor said “That’ll be three bucks.” The customer gave the vendor a five. The vendor put the five in the cash box, and then just stood there, looking around nonchalantly. “Hey,” said the customer, “What about my change?” The hotdog vendor smiled serenely, and said “Change comes only from within.”